I've recently been a target for nasty attacks on two fronts. My blog was discovered by Bulgarian ultra-nationalists who have accused me, among other things, of "dirtying the Bulgarian gene pool" by marrying an American. They have also suggested that I am not fulfilling my duties as a Bulgarian woman and giving birth to Bulgarian children.
Then I received a series of comments by a Bulgarian woman who found this blog after googling her name and discovering a place where "women with hyphenated last-names talk about their marriages to foreigners". She said she lives in Germany and constantly needs to be fighting off prejudice against East European women (easy, prostitutes, mail-order brides) and having her name associated with this place was offensive to her. She also suggested that I should run a mail-order bride service off this blog.
Both accusations are baffling to me and although I find the first type more or less idiotic, I take the second quite seriously. For one, because I have often needed to push against those same prejudices myself. You'd be surprised how often I've been stopped and questioned at airports over the purpose of my international travel. And although I am initially offended by such questioning, I generally don't mind because it's that kind of bureaucratic vigilance that saves the lives of many victims of trafficking.
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I started this blog, under its current title, because after Kyle and I got engaged several years ago, it really
was very difficult to figure out how to get married. Many of you who visit this blog know exactly what I am talking about. There's so much conflicting information out there about the steps one needs to go through to officially marry a foreign national. Official institutional websites link to legal documents that are long and/or confusing. Actual bureaucrats don't seem to quite know what the appropriate procedures are. On top of all that, the process is time consuming and EXPENSIVE and, as you go through all of it, there are so many dead-ends that at some point you really start to wonder...
is this ever going to end?! But your love is on the line. Your LIFE is on the line. Plus, if you are in committed relationship with a foreigner, you almost have to get married if you want to live together. Otherwise, it's practically impossible to live in the same country. If you don't believe me, talk to non-heterosexual gay couples. It's insane!
As Kyle and I struggled with applications, letters, permits, and documents... it was really only other people in bi-cultural marriages that offered any real help or practical advice. If Marta hadn't given me a copy of all the paperwork that she and Niall had filled out, I am not sure Kyle and I would have been able to do it. (Thank you, guys!)
I am saying all this for two reasons.
First, I want to acknowledge that the title of this blog could easily be interpreted as something other than it is. And for that, I really am truly sorry. I stopped running Google Ads precisely for that reason and I want to ask you guys if you think I should rename the blog and move it to a different domain. It would be hassle but I am willing to do it.
But, second, I wanted to say that marrying an American man was never a part of my life-plan. Heck, I thought I'd never marry at all. But I met a man that fills my life with love and joy and he happens to be American. And I refuse to apologize for my love and for my life.