Comments on How to Marry a Bulgarian: Is positivism childish?

To each his own. As far as I am concerned the amou...

2009-12-23T00:33:35.712-06:00

To each his own. As far as I am concerned the amount of outright hateful, unargumented posts was so low (<20%) as to be completely ignorable as background noise (which I personally had no problem doing).

For the record, I haven't noticed any smugness in ...

2009-12-22T18:15:08.618-06:00

For the record, I haven't noticed any smugness in Petya's blogs. If someone notices any trace of smugness, or anything that they don't like for that matter, there is a civilized way to express a contrasting point of view. The comments Petya refers to have not exactly been polite, relevant, or well argumented. It's one thing to say "I don't agree with you because of A, B, C, etc." and completely different to write stuff along the lines of "you ugly sexually frustrated bitches can stick it up yours because you're just imagining things".
E.

Petya, do you really fail to see what drives some ...

2009-12-22T11:53:59.368-06:00

Petya, do you really fail to see what drives some commenters (including me) up the wall in your other blog? For me at least it is the the smugness and entitlement of righteousness that you and your team display every chance you guys get.

I could hardly be described as a xenophobic/racist person, yet I recognize xenophobia as a state of awareness, not as something inherently evil and subject to erradication/inquisition.

So when you say "Minority group X ought to be able to Y", and label understandably revolting laymen as myopic/retarded/worse - this is when you get my blood boiling.

In other words - if the bulk of a society (no matter how ahead/behind of the curve) says "no minarets" - you shut up and build no minarets. Anything else is - yes, naive and Americanized.

P.S. Btw how is that "change we can believe in" coming along? Are you disillusioned or you got what you voted for?

P.P.S. I voted for Obama btw, but not because of the promised "Change".

I think a large issue for many people is the knee-...

2009-12-20T16:18:43.170-06:00

I think a large issue for many people is the knee-jerk reaction of the dogma preached to them from the time they were children, regardless of which country a person is from.

In the case of your feminist blog, Petya, the reason you get so many negative comments is because your opinion matters. It's a proven fact that the more successful and popular a person becomes, the more people are going to speak out against you because you are earning a reputation.

You just have to learn to ignore them and keep putting out the message you want people to hear.

There's a guy who wanders the streets in Sofia that I regularly meet two or three times a year. He is one of those American haters. He knows my face now, because I've told him to get stuffed on more than one occasion ever since my first run in with him a couple of years back. He asked me for the time, and when I responded in broken BG he proceeded to go off on some hatred-laced rant about f-ing American hypocrites poisoning our country with your lies and blah blah blah. Two weeks ago I'm walking with my wife up near NDK and he verbally and damn near physically assaulted this family...man, woman, 2 children (under 10). He starts flailing his arms around, cursing, screaming, ranting at this guy because he is talking in English wish his family.

What has this man and his family ever done to the ranting Bulgarian man on the street? Absolutely nothing. But it's a face that the ranter can put to the aggression he feels against whatever. It's no different for your site, Petya. You are a face that the haters can attach to an ideal that--however misguided--gives them a chance to express their opinions.

Brainwashing, dogma, whatever you want to call it...it exists in every country around the world. Personally...I wouldn't let it get to you. I'd continue posting what you want to post on your blog ignore the negativity. There are a lot of other people who DO care what you say, and you have a right to speak your mind. The more people you reach, the more popular you become, the more haters you will get.

Petya, please do not abandon your other blog! I ad...

2009-12-20T09:22:23.823-06:00

Petya, please do not abandon your other blog! I admire you for the courage to speak up and keep your cool despite all the stupid comments there! There are many many people (like me) who read you regularly and totally agree with your views but comment very rarely. You know how people do not really bother to comment on things they like but are quick to complain when they disagree with you. Trust me, there's a lot of us who really really like your Bulgarian blog and would miss it a lot if you decided to abandon it. Perhaps us, the more positive ones, should raise our voices more often. I am Bulgarian and the negative attitude drives me mad!!! A little positivity wouldn't hurt but go tell it to the are-you-trying-to-trick-the-trickster folk out there! Maybe you can start deleting the nasty comments there, I for one wouldn't miss them at all!

E.

Regarding a point you make about taking a break fr...

2009-12-20T06:15:08.782-06:00

Regarding a point you make about taking a break from your other blog - what you shared about people being very negative on it, this is exactly the reason why I avoided it too. I would sometimes read postings there and all the comments following them, and by the time I reached the end I felt so frustrated with the lack of real dialog and all the negativism coming from everywhere there. Here it's so much more cozy and people are so much kinder and more considerate - Bulgarians and foreigners. I love this about howtomarryabulgarian. I love this about people in general though. I've noticed if people are constantly confrontational, I just tend to avoid them and their company. I just can't take this negativity in my life, it makes things unnecessarily difficult for me and rarely leads to anything valuable.
As to whether being confrontational is a Bulgarian thing, or a European thing, I can't make up my mind about it. I think I learnt to actively disagree (I guess there is a line between disagreeing and being negative, but where do you draw it exactly) mostly when I went to an American university for my Bachelor's. People were encouraged to participate in discussions, and the majority did that mainly by expressing differing, contrasting points of view... I guess this is what Niki has defined as "constructive criticism." It's a thought provoking posting anyway, thank you for it.

And by constructive criticism I mean the focus is ...

2009-12-19T11:31:45.072-06:00

And by constructive criticism I mean the focus is on constructing alternatives that increase the overall goodness of the current state.

And I believe that engaging in such an effort does not really differ between cultures.

What I liked most about your post is the image you...

2009-12-19T11:24:50.716-06:00

What I liked most about your post is the image you have embedded :) I also think that negativism has intimate relationship with fear of and resistance to change.

Being positive about everything around you is not a great step forward either as it roots in the same emotions.

I'd say that people who have not overcome their fears and engaged in constructive criticism might differ culturally in how they escape from it (e.g. in Bulgaria we escape by having a negative attitude while in the US they do so by having a positive attitude).

Does it really matter which way you choose? Maybe you feel differently in both cases, but the end results would likely be the same anyway...

Well if I have to answer the title question - posi...

2009-12-19T03:25:39.833-06:00

Well if I have to answer the title question - positivism is one of the driving forces of creation. Is it childish? When you are fascinated by making sand castles as a child and as a result you create architectural masterpieces as an adult, how relevant is if you were childish as a child? Of course we should keep the child alive and active in all of us if we do not want to lose that unique and unbiased point of view, the only one that can bridge people separated by dogma or like one American once said "brainwashing".
As for the final questions aimed towards the Bulgarians among us, as Petya would confirm I am and have often been generally cynical and negative. However I find that to be a part of the gloomy past and I think that being cynical and pessimistic is a trait of our parents' generation. And they have their reasons to be the way they are, too. I have the opportunity to be a 1st grade student after 10 years again and believe me when I tell you - young people in Bulgaria 18-23 years of age are positive, smiling and good at heart. It is up to us (so 30s) to help facilitate the change from negative to positive attitude as a general feature of the nation.

Meanwhile, here in Europe (or at least in Bulgaria...

2009-12-19T01:27:51.319-06:00

Meanwhile, here in Europe (or at least in Bulgaria), arguing is a way of life, at least from my perspective. People regularly debate topics, and they don't get all offended or butthurt. In fact, I was in SHOCK the other day because I was watching the news and Batman (sorry, the new prime minister =P) was being interviewed on this talk show.

Now, in America...there are rules. Press conferences usually mean specific people are told in advance if they are going to be allowed to talk to the President, and only questions that are approved will be allowed. Answers are scripted. On this show the other night, they were allowing audience members to GRILL the prime minister, and he was getting visually and verbally agitated in defense, because some of these people were literally raising their voices at him and swinging their arms to make points.

Never allowed in America. Here, on the other hand...people speak their minds, and no one things badly of them for it. It's just the way of life.

As a general rule, I think that most Americans are...

2009-12-19T01:24:52.713-06:00

As a general rule, I think that most Americans are easily offended because that's just how their nation works. Someone looks at you the wrong way and BLAM, you sue. Reverse discrimination is absolutely a factor in the States, and people have become so "potentially offended" that you have to watch everything you say or do for fear you might get sued ten ways to retirement.

Did you know that comments on a blog can be used as libel in a court of law? There's a reason that many people moderate their comments, because the potential is there (in America) for someone to say something bad about another person (bickering), and you (as the blog owner) become liable for their comments, which means that if person A sues person B for libel/slander, you become ultimately responsible for the comments because you should have been moderating them in the first place.

America...the land of the free. Awesome, isn't it?

Very interesting post. I have very little experie...

2009-12-18T21:43:45.137-06:00

Very interesting post. I have very little experience with a European viewpoint aside from my Spanish grandmother. When she was alive she always seemed so unique, cool, different, & full of life. However, I never really noticed a cynicism. Maybe that had something to do with her living for quite some time in South America (my mother was born in Bolivia) & about 20 years in America.